January 2009
1 post
Bed hopping is quite possibly a direct correlation... →
December 2008
1 post
Ample sized balls, or, why I am moving to Ireland →
September 2008
8 posts
Beef is not what's for dinner →
Kissing is the best part.
luxnightmare:
(Or, a rare glimpse into my heart.)
I think what I really learned from years of being slutty is that kissing is the best part.
Unless you’re getting into a relationship, there’s this inevitable sadness to all sexual encounters — even good sexual encounters, even the best sex — because it means the end of it all. The end of the flirtation, the moment of promise, the anticipation,...
They are making great strides in the field of...
Therefore I believe it is acceptable to go on a date in the near future sans helmet. My primary concern in resuming the dating & mating game isn’t so much having split my head open (refer to headline re: bandages) so much as the gym restrictions placed upon me the past two weeks. It’s one thing to have a hole in your head but quite another to lose muscle ratio to fat at an alarming rate ....
FYI: Head injuries are the new "D cup"
In an attempt at productivity I decided to make the most of today’s hangover by embracing my quarter-life crisis with a vengeance and Googling immigration law and visa options that consist mainly of inconsistent acronyms. Eventually I tired of this and decided to log into Match, as I always do take pleasure in changing up at least two of the adjectives in the “About Me” section on a regular basis...
He's so so so just not into me
Seeing as I recently managed to split my forehead open and am sporting a way hot bandage until my custom helmet comes in and/or I get around to scheduling a revamp of my bangs with my stylist, I clearly haven’t logged into my Match account. Alas I do receive suitors via gmail. Example below. Why ever has he not written back? Baffling.
From: SUITOR To: DATING DEVIANT Date received: September 10,...
You seriously can’t make this shit up →
Go 13
Name: Brian
Age: 28 (taking another stab at a youngin’)
Height: 6’0
Alcohol units consumed: Copious.
Time expended: 30 hours over the course of two days. Right?
I think this date is officially my last dip into the match.com pond, ending that experiment. It only took 13 dates to get it right, however it only took me 30 hours to screw it up. Alas, I am back to singledom sans the quest to date...
Randomly showing up is the new drunk dial
Nothing says Internet wack job quite like showing up at a virtual buddy’s home, unless of course you do it:
a. Wasted
b. at 3:45 AM
c. Bearing cheese fries (with condiments!)
…then it’s like wack job plus.
Hence my Saturday evening a few weeks ago. Not surprisingly my “mind if we wait on sex?” bit resulted in an absence of date four. Gotta love the virtual...
August 2008
14 posts
align:
There is a couple sitting side by side on a park bench, reading. These are the sort of moments I miss most in my own life. Reading in bed together. Lying in grass, half-napping under a blanket of sunlight. Writing for someone and saying, “This is for you.” Or, even better, saying “Thank you,” not in response to a word or action, but saying it because it is necessary. Thank you for existing....
SURVIVING YOUR TWENTIES
hithisisdanielle:
dilaudid: ineedtoo: inmywardrobe: whatthehale: shimmerandshine:
“They call it the “quarter-life crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where...
Central Park Film Festival →
For the outdoorsy types. Outdoorsy being the types that drinks outdoors.
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”
– Joseph F. Newton (via alphabetpony) (via antoinetta) (via sailingonthesea) (via unicornology) (via teachmecoyness)
DADD : Dating Attention Deficit Disorder →
(via blakeley)
This pretty much sums up my antics. Ish.
“The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.”
– Margo Kaufman (via teachmecoyness)
Go 11 - Round Deux
The next logical step after a beer binge drink up (resulting in a 48 hour hangover) is to progress to hard liquor. Namely, my BFF tequila. On the rocks. With salt.
For such an occurrence to come to fruition, I selected El Rio as the follow up date locale with Jack the original. Midtown is my least favorite sector on the grid, alas nothing says let’s get sloshed and black out like Tex-Mex...
“Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I’ve had my share. But whatever happens...”
– Katharine Hepburn (via tinyunicorn) & (via unicornology) (via stare-at-walls)
“All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone that makes us...”
– Kevin Arnold (via yarrow)
Go 12
Name: Jack
Programmed in phone as: Jack Stamford (for double the pleasure, double the fun I was in a text exchange with this dude & Go 11 simultaneously. We are talking serious concentration whilst drunk texting).
Age: 33
Height: 6′6. Note: this has been my favorite height since my “What-happens-in-Vegas-is-too-good-a-story-to-stay-in-Vegas” experience with a 6′6 dude. Also noteworthy, for...
July 2008
4 posts
Remember that Orgasm Survey? →
butterflyeffect:
The results are in.
Remember people, National Orgasm Day is July 31st!
Fire up yer whatsis….
…And here it is in plain english.
Go 11
Name: Jack
Age: 27 (Noteworthy. I don’t so much dig dating twenty-somethings. I am absolutely baffled as to how thirty-somethings manage to date ME).
Height: 6′
Bar Locale: Zum Schneider. A friend mentioned they didn’t think ZS allowed in those of the pseudo-jew-”ish” variety, such as myself. Jack is about as German as Schnitzel, so we rocked a nice neutral base. He offered to wear...
5 Best Sex Positions For Her →
whateverlolawants:
Missionary
Woman Astride
Seated Rear Entry
Reverse Cowgirl
Cross Buttocks
Plus, many more with cute little drawings and directions.
I give pretty good text
I have a passionate dislike for phone chat. I have traced the origins of this quirk back to 1993 when my parentals punishments would alternate between removing my bedroom door & removing my phone privileges. For the sole purpose of antagonizing my parents I taught myself to no longer dig gossip via the phone. The phone punishment didn’t yield nearly enough trouble for mom and dad, however it...
June 2008
19 posts
Là où sont les menottes →
Go 10
Name: Mark
Age: 32
Height: 6’
Bar Locale: West Village (note: when navigating the ‘off-the-grid’ sector of town in evening hours provide an ample cushion of time in which to circle aimlessly in a lost and disoriented fashion).
A note on food: Typically these dates are beverage only affairs (see Nugget commentary) however this turned into a meal production. Which was in effect spinach gnocchi...
Go 9
Name: Kyle
Age: 31
Height: 5’10 – Disregarded my Nugget avoidance policy due to his initial email, “So how important to you is that 6’ height requirement? I’m only 5’10 but I suppose I could get myself a pair of platform shoes if that would make a difference.” Acknowledgement of the problem is noble and bone-throw-worthy. Also in times of height deficiency, dimples may supplement the absentee...
“It also raises the G-spot a quarter of an inch in height, making it much easier...”
– I’ve had the G-shot…and YES,YES,YES, my sex life has never been better | Mail Online (via cakeface)
Amazing.
This is months old...but I do so much tooling...
A letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d...
This morning I saw a dude (cigarette slicked behind each year: H-O-T) shotgun a beer at 8 AM. I dig NY. I felt totally justified in down-in-one-ing a diet coke before 10 AM.
“I want to ride this relationship hard until we’re in a good spot.”
– someone in my office
I was able to stop myself from saying, “That’s what she said.”
(via sharingtime)
I automatically multiply the caloric content of a serving times the amount of servings. I do this as I know I will eat the entire package, even though I tell myself every time that “this will be the time I practice concerted portion control.” Does anyone else have this problem?
Today I hopped out for the sole purpose of acquiring a faux water enhancer of pink or yellow hue (alas I had to settle...
Poll: Lock In Your Vote for Hottest Guy in Book... →
There is hope for single chicks in the publishing industry yet! Poll for the hottest, straight* man in book publishing.
*except for that one time in college after a line & a twelve-pack.
“Women should be obscene and not heard.”
– Groucho Marx (via simko) (via ellebelle)
The BYOH (Bring Your Own Hookup) Holiday…or not. →
“I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if...”
– -Marilyn Monroe
Baby boom
sharingtime:
My second friend from high school this week just emailed to tell me she’s pregnant. On purpose!
I’m glad I live in New York City, where people don’t really settle down until their late 60s.
The match strikes again
A fortuitous facet of a pretty city as populated as New York is the unlikely probability that you will ever again run into a match.com date gone lame. This, in addition to ample sized bagels and an ever-expanding frozen yogurt market is a prevalent residential rationale when opting metro over flyover state.
After a particularly fruitless phone exchange with an ex-file, e.g:
“Darlin’ I just...
A prelude to my evening: When in doubt recycle it...
I believe in being green in all facets of life, and in reusing natural resources - e.g. man bits. This is particularly true in large metropolitan areas such as NYC where the supply of viable man bits is limited. To work with such confines I am sure to stay buddies with the majority of my former flings, said connectivity in thanks to MySpace, Facebook & AIM.
Exceptions follow below:
Gym hot...
Go 8
Name: Tom
Programmed in phone as: Tom NYC
Age: 37 (Note. Dating is a numbers game and traditionally should only involve men 5-10 years older than ones self. Howevs, see height below).
Height: 6’5. Each additional inch over 6’ compensates my brief and recent history in Nugget dating.
Origins: Texas. Save a horse, yo.
Bar Locale: The billiards & pool joint by Union Square.
Alcohol units...
May 2008
7 posts
Go 6 & Go 7
Go 6
Name: Pete (I maintain it is Paul).
Programmed in phone as: Pete NYC (apparently there is already a Pete I do not know stored in my phone. Gotta love those drunk nights out).
Age: 31
Height: 6′1
Deserving of special mention: Dude laughed at everything I said. Never before has “I like ketchup” brought forth such raucous laughter.
Education: Upstate NY. Our discussion of my college:...
Go 5
Name: Dave (aka Nugget, see height below)
Age: 30
Height: 5′10 (Who’s desperate? —–> This girl)
Deserving of special mention: I presume he is of the rainbow lovin’ variety.
Employer: Self. Consulting. (side note: from past dating experience - consultants, in addition to doctors and engaged men - are off the table). PS: He is going to cure global poverty & the HIV. I know it is probs...
Go 4
Name: Tim
Age: 32
Height: 5′11 (Under 6′ again. Perhaps now is the time to officially label me ‘desperate’).
Employer: A media company (this is a point where I am actually impressed - I like multi-tasking; dating & networking simultaneously is hot).
Digs: SoHo. He moves every year (similar to me - therefore I deduce he too is a commitment-phobe).
Bar Locale: A West Village locale...